The Proposal

*On April 9, 2017 I heard a story about a man who had to battle a king and his vast armies and horses, and that this man rode in on a donkey, as a sign of humility. It was Palm Sunday. That night I attempted to come up with a solution for my own battle that I was facing, and reached out to my former employer to encourage a settlement meeting for the following afternoon. My life had suddenly and unexpectedly changed direction, and I no longer wanted a fight. I wanted to surf, and I wanted this to be over.

This was my attempt at threatening my employer with hints at what I had on them, while simultaneously waving a white flag and asking for some type of job back. 

This particular document is difficult for me to release, because re-reading it after 18 months really reminds me of how far off into the deep end I had drifted, but is also encouraging because I can still see that even deep down there, I was just trying to do what was right for my heart. 

 

 

“A hero’s journey to fix the company and destroy the villains in all of us takes a twist that proves he was the only true villain all along.”*

*subject to change without a moment’s notice. (Example: “Just so you know, we just fired Chalupa”)

 

Who: Andrew Michael Jernigan, with possible assistance from the Misuraca family and affiliates.

Where: Detroit, and any location across the globe where products sold in this area derive.

What: Completion of life goals for anyone involved in the project provided there is a clear description.

When: Effective 4/14/2017 and enacted retroactively to 03/13/2017.

Why: In late February, I completed my last major project on behalf of Royal Banana Co.. The complex nature of it gave me a new thirst for new challenges. Coincidentally, I had already mastered the art of creating simplistic solutions to major problems, in an environment that did not provide me the support I would need to make sure they were implemented properly and efficiently. A combination of encouragement and negativity from all involved in the management of Royal Banana Co. drove me into a state of mental anguish where I could no longer accept any criticisms or obstruction to my goals. As stated to Business Manager Bethanne Munoz when I saw her slipping into this terminal mindset, “I appreciate you looking out for me, but I have been my own Devil’s advocate for far too long, and I killed him, so now I’m just going to be an advocate.” Given the unprofessionalism of the workplace, I had been reprogrammed to feel that this language was appropriate.

At the time, she did not offer me any indication that I was “losing my mind’ or that my path would be in contradiction to any plan that was already scribed for the future of Royal Banana Co, and more importantly, it’s employees and their family members. Misuraca included.

This was all prior to a sequence of events that only compounded this mental anguish, events that all led to zero action being taken on behalf of the company when I repeatedly voiced my concerns throughout the management structure. Most often, they offered a solution that they had been advising for years with very limited success.

“You can’t let these jealous fucks bother you.” Frank Misuraca said to me in what I have identified as the breaking point. Approaching him on these issues was always a last-resort. Because of the burden of his tasks, I did not feel comfortable bothering him with “petty” issues. However, he did show concern and state “I am worried about you.” Unfortunately, he was unwilling to provide any assistance at the time.

I often felt, because of discussions with Tony, that I was not only capable of fixing the company but expected to. Our only disagreement was in terms of how long it would take, I thought it could be done quicker with the proper plan, of which I had many prepared. The success of each plan and pursuit I had during my tenure with Royal Banana Co. hinged on one simple task from ownership-“stick up for me.”

I felt they were focusing too much on implementation and operations, rather than allowing me to do my job. I often stated they were the only thing obstructing me from what I felt to be mutual goals. With my recollection of conversations dating back to the initial interview, I clearly articulate and spell out the violations of labor laws, OSHA laws, the hostile work environment, the conflicts of interest, inventory tracking issues, verbal and physical assaults I have endured, cash bonuses I have received as well as payments of invoice to compensate donations of personal assets. I also show, with witness, the solutions I created to alleviate each issue I was experiencing and the steps taken after forwarding my concerns up the organizational chart. The witness list for this case is vast, and includes every employee at Royal Banana Co., as well as multiple from their competition, and the driver or buyer for each of the customers who park at Royal Banana Co. daily.

However, given what I had taught myself while trying to keep myself busy at Royal Banana Co., I now have an ability to see around corners and go around the world twice to make sure that I get far enough ahead to cover my own back. When my initial settlement was rejected on what I felt to be a slam-dunk case, I realized that you either have mud you’re willing to sling at me, or that I am unprepared to go into a fight with a bigger kid on their playground. Being financially savvy, I realized the value was not the suit but the story, and I devised a way to bring the fight into my playground and immediately switch the burden of proof on to Royal Banana Co.. My proof on the one charge I shared with the attorneys of Royal Banana Co., identify how I felt GM-Chad Brooks would be willing to back up my claim as to the contents of that meeting. Without actual words, I knew that he was there when the son refused to shine, and I could see in that meeting that it was also causing him to tremble.

This includes, but is not limited to, using social media as a platform to release the contents of my lawsuit one page at a time, with names changed to protect those whom I deem innocent. This would be done after a withdrawal of my complaint, thus making it a civil suit where you would would try to use defamation and slander laws to silence me. Given the inaccuracy of your customer and employee list, and the poetic beauty I would include about each of them, I felt it would be difficult for you to gather enough evidence to prove that my life story was a lie prior to the viral outbreak growing, thus I deemed this to be a “nuclear option” to complement the “shock and awe” strategy I was currently pursuing.

On the date of initial presentation, I had in no way planned to pit myself against Royal Banana Co., but merely make good on a promise that I made to myself. The sequence of events after that fateful Monday, 3 weeks ago, did nothing to deter me from achieving this goal. Often times, I did not know what I was doing, but by failing to give up or be deterred by a growing list of obstructionists, I was able to see the signs that this path would bring surprises but I could think on my feet and assure the end objective is not damaged. This all led me to a thought Sunday morning, that I have been pursuing ever since, because it allows my initial goals to still stand firm. The document containing those goals currently sits in a drawer somewhere in a Costa Rica, and is covered and protected by a wide array of bikinis, both in shape and color.

I will only speak the truth, and I feel that as each page is released and analyzed and responded to in a public forum, I will have the financial backers and support volunteered to me so that I can properly file the complaint with the NLRB, or just simply sail off into the sunset. All of those endings have already been written, and they all must include a villain. By calling this meeting, I am trying to be unique.

How:

The role of Royal Banana Co., is to provide me a location where I can channel these new connections and joint-ventures that have unfolded in front me these past weeks.  However, as previously stated on 03/20/2017, I do have the respect of their 7 closest (vicinity) competitors, and am confident that in 30 days I will have a pitch so pristine that someone in that building will accept it. I also have back up plans for that back up plan, and plan to back up any plans that may arise as a result of one of the unmentioned back up plans.

 

I will continue to excel in any project that I take on, considering I am finally aware of the end objective. This allows me to hand-pick what I feel would work best for my company, while insulating any friends, or in other words, loved ones, from any conflicts that they feel might be damaging to their interests or put an unwanted spotlight on any corner of their reputation.

The creation of this project, and the 3 years I forecast as a realistic completion date, will be the largest thing I have ever created or took part in, and will be used simply to put myself in a position to pursue personal goals that are in no way connected to Royal Banana Co. or the produce industry as a whole. However, with the completion of this settlement in a form where we both lay our weapons down, it will allow Royal Banana Co. to regain my trust, therefore affording them a chance to help shape the story as I write it, and provide them enough insight into the storm to cut the anchor when they see fit, allowing this ship to sail on without them.

 

On 03/20/2017 I stated in a meeting with President Fred Misuraca “To even slow down on this, I need a new terminal with a mural of Jimmy Hoffa on one side staring at the mural of me, and to stop me completely, they will have to put me in the ground next to him.” Due to a state of enhanced mental stress and confusion I was experiencing at that time, I would like to take this opportunity to retract that promise.

To stop me now, someone is going to have to re-make the Michelangelo sculpture using me as inspiration, provided they agree to reduce the size of genitalia to microscopic size. Instead of a terminal, I will now plan the most complex and lengthy self-depreciating joke in the history of mankind, and I will continue to work on this with or without assistance. I come forward today with no patents pending, because I have finally started to understand that I am one of a kind, and there is nobody else on this earth who can pull this off.

—

With or without the full support of Royal Banana Co., I will continue to work on this mission, and alter it as I see fit. For instance, I like the name Mike Weaver in this story, perhaps he could become a Weaver of something bigger. I like it so much, that if Royal Banana Co. or Mr. Weaver declines this offer, I will hire an attorney in Costa Rica and request that he legally change his own name.

Thank you all for taking this document seriously no matter how difficult I make it for you.

 

 

Andrew Jernigan

Henchman

Robert David Incorporated.