Changing of the Tide

I spent the last two months convinced I was lost.

Not the dramatic kind. Not wandering through the desert, questioning everything. More like standing in a grocery store without a list. Picking things up. Putting them back. Walking down aisles I didn’t plan on walking down. Leaving with a bag full of stuff that didn’t seem to go together.

That’s what the last 60 days looked like from the inside. Learning a new tool. Then another. Chasing a certification. Then pivoting to a completely different one. Reading documentation for platforms I wasn’t sure I’d ever use. Making calls I wasn’t sure would lead anywhere. The plan we mapped out? It didn’t survive contact with reality. Not even close.

And the whole time, a quiet voice in the back of my head kept saying: you’re just chasing shiny objects again.

I believed it, too. Some days.

But here’s the thing about shiny objects. Sometimes they’re shiny because they’re actually worth picking up. You just can’t see the connection yet.

This week, something clicked. I made a call. The right one, to the right person, at the right time. Not because I planned it that way. Because the last two months of wandering had put me in exactly the right position to make it. The skills I picked up in those random aisles? They were the reason I had something to offer. The detours weren’t detours. They were training I didn’t know I was doing.

I’m not going to pretend I saw this coming. I didn’t. The path that got me here looks nothing like the one I drew on the whiteboard. It’s messier. Less linear. Full of turns I would have edited out if I were writing it as fiction.

But I’m not writing fiction. I’m living it forward and understanding it backward, same as everyone else.

I don’t want to oversell the moment. It’s early. The opportunity is real but it’s not a guarantee. What I will say is this: for the first time in a while, the current feels like it’s moving with me instead of against me. That’s not nothing. That’s a tide change.

And tide changes don’t announce themselves. There’s no horn. No email notification. You just realize one day that the water is higher than it was. That the thing you’ve been building is floating now instead of sitting in the mud.

I spent 60 days thinking I was scattered. Turns out I was assembling. The pieces just didn’t look like pieces until they fit.

If you’re in a season where your plan has gone sideways, where nothing looks like the roadmap, I’ll offer the same thing I keep learning the hard way: the map was never the point. The walking was.

The tide is changing. I can feel it.

One Rock at a Time

There’s a cork board on my basement wall.

It’s nothing fancy. Wood frame, push pins, the kind of thing you’d find at a yard sale for three bucks. But right now it might be the most important thing I own.

Here’s how it works. At the top, in orange, is the goal. The real one. The destination I’m building toward. Down the right side are the stages. The milestones between here and there. And along the bottom, in a mess of multicolored sticky notes, are the rocks.

Small tasks. Daily things. Stuff I can finish in a sitting. Every night I write a few down. When I finish one, I pin it to the board.

Someone told me once that the way you move a mountain is one rock at a time. I thought it was a nice line. Now I’m living it with thumbtacks and dollar store sticky notes.

The bottom row is getting thick. That’s the foundation. It’s supposed to be thick. The unglamorous stuff. The learning. The late nights figuring out how a file directory works. The mornings where the task is just “read the documentation.” Not exactly a highlight reel. But it’s the layer everything else stands on.

Eventually a second row starts. Then a third. Skills that bring in revenue. Things that ship. Stuff with my name on it. And one day, if I keep pinning, the shape becomes obvious. A pyramid. A mountain built out of small, finished things.

But here’s the part nobody warns you about.

Some days you don’t want to write any sticky notes. Some days you stare at the board and feel nothing. The motivation scatters like loose change. You know the goal is up there in orange. You can see the stages. You just can’t feel the line connecting you to any of it.

Those are the days that matter most.

Not because of grit or hustle or whatever the internet is selling this week. But because patience is the real skill being built. Patience with the pace. Patience with yourself on the days where “one rock” feels like the heaviest thing in the world. Patience with the fact that the foundation is wide and flat and doesn’t look like a mountain yet.

It will.

The board doesn’t lie. Every note pinned is a note pinned. You can’t argue with the wall. The evidence just sits there, quietly, getting thicker.

So if you’re in a season where the work feels invisible, where the progress looks like a pile of sticky notes instead of a peak, let me offer this: the pile is the point. You’re not behind. You’re laying ground.

Keep pinning.

Keep Pulling the Thread

There’s a version of this week where I quit.

Not dramatically. No bridge-burning, no farewell post, no big announcement. Just a quiet shrug. A slow drift toward easier things. The kind of giving up that doesn’t even feel like giving up while it’s happening. It just feels like being tired.

I’ve felt that pull a few times in the last seven days. More than I’d like to admit.

And then I go back to the headphones.

Lately my morning workouts have a soundtrack, and it’s not music. It’s Neville Goddard. If you’ve never heard of him, the short version is this: he believed that what you assume to be true, with feeling, eventually shows up in your life. “Believe it and you will soon see it.” That’s the whole sermon. He said it a thousand different ways across decades, but it always comes back to the same idea. Your inner conviction is the seed. Everything else is just weather.

I’m not here to sell you on mysticism. Believe what you want. But I’ll tell you what’s been useful about sitting with that idea while my legs are burning at 5 a.m.

It reframes the hard week.

When you’re convinced the thing you want is already on its way, a bad day stops feeling like evidence. It stops being a verdict. It becomes weather. Annoying, sure. Cold and wet and inconvenient. But not the end of the story. Just Tuesday.

The trap of giving up is that it always disguises itself as wisdom. It shows up wearing a cardigan and says things like “be realistic” and “maybe this isn’t your path” and “you’ve already given it a good shot.” It sounds reasonable. That’s what makes it dangerous. Despair almost never announces itself. It just slowly lowers the ceiling until you forget you used to stand up straight.

Here’s the image I keep coming back to.

I’m holding a single thread. It’s thin. It looks like nothing. If I dropped it, no one would notice, including me, probably, by next week. But I know something the thread doesn’t show me. If I keep pulling, slowly, patiently, without yanking hard enough to snap it, I’ll eventually have enough yarn for a sweater.

Not a swatch. Not a scarf. A whole sweater.

That’s the bet. That’s the entire game. The thread looks like nothing because you’re standing too close to it. You’re seeing one fiber. You’re not seeing the spool.

Most people quit at the fiber.

So here’s what I’m doing this week, and maybe it’s useful to you too. I’m not setting bigger goals. I’m not making a new plan. I’m not buying a planner or downloading an app or starting a 75-day anything. I’m just refusing to drop the thread. That’s it. That’s the whole strategy. Wake up, pull a little more, go to bed, repeat.

Belief isn’t a feeling you wait for. It’s a posture you hold while the feelings do whatever they’re going to do. Some mornings I feel like the sweater is already mine and I just haven’t put it on yet. Other mornings I feel like an idiot holding string. Both mornings I keep pulling.

If you’re in a week where quitting is starting to look like clarity, I’d gently suggest it isn’t. It’s just fatigue wearing a convincing costume. Sleep on it. Eat something. Put on the headphones. Pull the thread tomorrow.

The sweater is coming.

You just can’t see it yet.

The Ideas Were Always Good

Sometimes the timing just isn’t. That’s been the recurring thought this week.

I published a book. Print and digital. Both live, both real. Made a sale. Started a social account for the brand. And the wildest part? I’ve got an AI agent generating content for it on near-autopilot. I built the system. Now the system is working.

The consulting side hasn’t had any big breakthrough conversations yet. But something shifted under the hood. I got email infrastructure wired up, which means I can start automating outreach on a schedule. No more “I’ll get to it when I get to it.” Cron jobs don’t forget.

And then there’s an old idea I shelved months ago. Moved on to shinier things. But this week I caught myself circling back to it. Not out of desperation. Out of clarity. The revenue potential was always there. I just didn’t have the tools or the confidence to see it through.

That’s the theme this week if I’m being honest. The ideas I had early on weren’t bad. I was just too early in the process to execute them. Now I’m not.

Momentum isn’t always a big win. Sometimes it’s just realizing you were right all along and you finally have the skills to prove it.

The Jerni Continues

It’s been a while.

Two years of silence on this page. Before that, a couple years of ranting about politics nobody asked for. Before that, the raw documents of a man losing his mind and finding his soul in the same breath. All of it lived here. All of it served a purpose. None of it was the real thing.

This is the real thing.

I started this blog in 2018 as a test. That’s literally what the first post said. A test. I didn’t know what it would become. Turns out it became a dumping ground for my thoughts when I had nowhere else to put them. I threw it all at this wall and walked away.

I’m not walking away anymore.

A lot has changed. I’m a father now. That alone rewires everything. How you see time. How you see work. How you see the point of all this. Something clicked that I can’t unclick. Something is being built that I can’t stop building.

I cleared out everything that was here before. Not deleted. Just tucked away. Those old posts are part of the story but they’re not the story. The story is what happens next.

If you’re reading this, you’re early. That’s going to matter.

The name is A.M. Jerni. The pen name is the journey itself. Am Jerni. Get it? Good.

I’m not going to tell you what this is yet. I’m going to show you. One post at a time.

Welcome back. Or welcome for the first time. Either way, you’re here now.

Let’s build.