*The following document was written on 05/07/2017 in Wyandotte, Michigan. At the time I was in the midst of my jihad against what I perceived as evil. This is a few days in advance of filing my affidavit with the National Labor Relations Board in Detroit. This is definitely not one of my finer moments in the adventure, but nonetheless I was merely doing what the story demanded in the most smart-ass way possible. 

 

Dear Owners, Customers, and Staff of the Detroit Produce Terminal,
My name is Andrew Jernigan, former employee of Royal Pineapple Co.. On 03/20/2017 I approached Tony Mizuraca about my plan to apply for a federal grant on his be;222half, in hopes of attracting funding for a building that would better serve the needs of this small collective. The magnitude of this plan was so large, that for some reason it resulted in me being fired. After 6 years of unwavering loyalty to the company, more specifically the Mizuraca family, I was not even offered the opportunity to collect my belongings. For me, this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I feel now is the time to make good on the promises I made in that meeting with Tony.

At time of press, I have a case pending with the NLRB for wrongful discharge, a meeting scheduled with the EEOC for discrimination based on disability (as well as race and gender), I have logged a complaint with OSHA, and fully intend on publishing the story about my experience at a time of greatest financial benefit. Initially, I came forward with a settlement that was extremely selfless, and allowed Royal Pinapple Co. to regain my trust while merely paying for 1 month of my salary. I went thru the NLRB process entirely by myself without legal representation, and was wise enough to reject the settlement I proposed after their attorney, MIKE WEAVER, tried to silence my rights to tell this story in passage 6. I withdrew my case, and drove to Washington D.C. to seek counsel on a better approach for round 2. I now feel as if I have a shot that’s about to be heard around the world, and this particular strategy is what I like to call “guerilla warfare”, in advance of my next plan which is more commonly known as the “nuclear option.”

I will blow myself up if that’s what is required to tear down the wall of Tony. I do not mean this is in the literal sense, but rather as an expression to show how far I am willing to take this. One thing I learned in the past 7 weeks, is that direct pressure is the best strategy for getting the severance you deserve. Nobody in your building currently can apply that pressure as flawlessly as I can. I am using this letter to warn everyone in advance of my strategy, to give everyone a fair shot at stopping me.

However, in one week, I will be returning to an undisclosed location in Costa Rica, and I will begin publishing every bit of evidence I have against Royal Pineapple Co. in a public forum. I will be sharing it with employees of the terminal and members of IBT local 337 in hopes of preventing this mess from happening again in the future. I will be adding personal insights on the problems that run rampant in that environment, and could possibly be divulging information that may indirectly effect your business operations. At that point, the burden of proof will switch to the side of Royal Pinapple Co..

Fortunately, in an attempt to reorganize their customer list, I brought home a copy of the name and numbers for every customer in the Royal Pinapple Co. software system. This list was provided to me by Royal Pineapple Co. two weeks before my dismissal, in hopes that I would continue working for them even after my daily in-house requirements were fulfilled. I will not state here exactly what I intend on doing with this list while in Costa Rica, but I will promise that the only company I am seeking vengeance against is Royal Pineapple Co.. I feel as is there may be some secrets in that old company that I may have come too close to sniffing out, and I can no longer protect the Mizuraca family from myself.
My back is officially against the wall, and I am clearly ready to come out firing on all cylinders. Proof of this commitment can be found in exchanges I had with the Royal Pineapple Co. attorney, WEAVER, whom I undressed so efficiently I had him arguing with me over not offering me a glass of water. Imagine that, $700 bucks an hour and this guy is spending his day arguing with me over his lack of manners. My salary at time of dismissal was $1300 per week. What a steal! This was prior to FRANK MIZURACA JR. severing the last bit of loyalty I had to him as an individual, and allowed me to clearly see the level of corruption and disorganization within that company. It also gave me the strength to take that munchkin who calls the shots over there, and “nail him to the cross” in a sense.
So that is my plan, as a conservative I was always a company guy, but I am far smarter than any of their staff members and wouldn’t allow Tonie to walk all over me with his size 7 adidas sneakers. I send you this letter in advance of what will undoubtedly be a tumultuous period for the Mizuraca family, and hope that you can properly safeguard yourself from any collateral damage while I pursue this with the fullness of my heart. If anyone would like to contribute to my attempt at prosecuting the lolli-pop kid, I am open to all donations and would consult with you as to where I think I could personally improve your business. I had hundreds of ideas daily to improve Royal Pineapple Co, but was stuck under a management team who I felt had no desire to improve, only to sit back counting money while complaining about their under-trained staff.

I am ready to get this message out whether it cost me my future or cost me my life. I want it to be known now that I have a great deal of respect for any company not named Royal Pineapple Co.. I believe I stated to Tony once that to even slow me down, he would need to paint a mural of my face across from Jimmy Hoffa, or find that body and put me in the ground next to him. At this point, I don’t feel he has any intention of commissioning that mural, so I will continue to surge forward with this plan. This literature is being sent to you in hopes that I don’t have to take my complaints directly to the members of IBT local 337.

You can reach out to me directly at (313)5**-**** by call or text, or send any inquiries to J********@gmail.com. I hope this message is received prior to Monday 05/08/2017 because I feel that there may be some OSHA investigators walking around in the imminent future. I would be happy to stop by and help shelter you from the storm for a reasonable price. Thank you for taking the time to read my brief manifesto.

Your Dearest Friend,

Andrew M Jernigan

5/7/2017

The following essay was written on May 21st 2017, while sitting in a place called “The Buddha House” in Jaco, Costa Rica. This is the final chapter of the works written during the time of my journey. 

Dear World,
I cannot be entirely sure as to what happened yesterday, it was quite the exhilarating experience. I don’t know what level of recovery will be required on my behalf, but I am pretty sure that whatever life throws at me, will all be a direct result of what I have brought on myself. It’s like riding the best gosh darn wave you will ever be able to possibly imagine. Solving the most complex riddle in the entire world. I keep wishing I could just end it. It’s extremely frustrating to be looking everywhere for the right answer, and in the meantime find that you literally have zero control over any action or movement that you make.

It comes in waves, you never know what the next 30 seconds is going to bring. Sometimes, it seems like something stupid that I did is paid off rather quickly. Other times, it takes an entire sequence of events to unfold before I can really trace back what happened in that moment. It is terrifying, but it is careless. I hope one day to be able to properly walk you through it, right now I am more concerned about my own safety.
Hopefully in the near future, life will be much more simplistic and I won’t have the mounting pressures that I am trying to face here. I suppose this is what we call a “black out.” I don’t know when the light will be on, and when the light will be off, but I am happy that the fine people of this area have accepted my tardy, and we can look forward to a brighter future tomorrow.

Andrew Jernigan
05/21/2017

 

For now, this is the end of my docu-dump. Thanks for reading!

American politics has become a total shit-show. Today was the great spectacle of a senate confirmation hearing for that Kavanaugh dude, and I think it has all gotten so old and played out, on all sides. Everyone wants to get their turn on the mic, to put on the theatric performance their character thirsts for. It’s cross the board hit-jobs, all for the sake of entertainment.

Truth is, they want us to be divided, they need us to be. There has to be something in the news cycle, something a wedge can be driven in to. Look at comment boards across the internet, it’s working like a charm. Liberals are this, conservatives are this and that. I’m by no means immune to it either, I’ve defriended a person or five in my day, most recently this afternoon. My dear pal Joey.

I feel bad about that, but she defriended me in 2008, so I think we’ll still be cool, sorry kid.

As I was saying, it’s a joke, one that we are paying handsomely for. What were the production costs on this pageant? What were the true costs of this 9 hour drama in the big castle in D.C? So we could go thru some guys yearbook, or some girls recollections of the past. So both could be despised by either half of the active audience, so the elected elite could have their 5 minutes to shine for their constituents.

Can you imagine what 2020 will bring? I barely survived the last election, I can’t take the fighting anymore. The bickering bullshit. Political attacks on the radio, God help those who still have to see them on cable. The commoner is by no means innocent either, memes are prolly the worst. I mean some are funny of course, but shit guys, we’re never gonna settle our differences at this rate. How are we gonna take back the nation if we can’t even pool our votes toward a single goal?

The division is needed or the charade can’t go on. The actors can’t act without the storyline. Maybe one day we can rewrite the script, but for now it will just be a continued descent into overdramatic propaganda and chaos. I had a dream once that we could fix it.

 

“Somebody else, round everyone else. You’re watching your back, like you cant relax. You’re tryin to be cool, you look like a fool to me.” Avril Lavigne: Complicated

 

So the honeymoon is over, and I suppose its time we got down to the nitty gritty. The reason I have decided to start writing more, is not to make money, but help work some things out of my head. Thoughts flow much more freely thru the safety of this screen. I have never been the type whom could easily verbalize the more serious contemplations taking place in my brain. I think it has much to do with the thick layers of disguise I wear to hide my true self from the rest of the world. The most fine-tuned of those masks is sarcasm.

It’s not that humor or sarcasm isn’t the real me, I love laughing and making people laugh. The world needs more of it. However, my inability to integrate my softer side into my outward personality had left me longing for more. I’m just a kid. So let’s start with a little backstory.

On 3/13/17, I had an epiphany that would forever change me. It was as if God had just up and decided to come out from behind the curtain, and explain in great detail the reason that I was created. It was an intoxicating high, and it sent me into utter chaos. Within two weeks, I had been fired from my job, filed a federal lawsuit against my former employer, and landed on a sandy beach in Costa Rica. I was a on a mission, and I was going mad.

Throughout this process, I was being guided by something other than myself. I didn’t have voices in my head, I only had MY voice in my head, and it was certain that this was leading somewhere. When I returned to the Motor City, I was ready to put the past behind me and hoped for a quick settlement from the old Italians who had previously been like a second family to me. This was where it started going bananas.

On 4/14/17, Good Friday to be exact, I died for my sins. The funny thing about it is how well I knew it was coming. In the way that animals flee before I storm, I drove myself to Washington DC so I could die in peace. My death was not physical, before that moment I did not realize there way any other way to die. My death was spiritual, and at the time I confused it as my rebirth. The resurrection would not come for another 5 weeks.

I sat in purgatory during these 5 weeks, and it was nothing if not exciting. I was sent to the loony bin by my family, the dark path to enlightenment appearing to be terrifying or crazy from those not moving toward it. I conned myself out of there within a week and was back on my way to Costa Rica to properly wrap up the story. The way it ended was so romantically poetic and beautiful, that it has left me no choice but to share it with others.

Over a year has passed since my journey, and I am just now finally beginning to see the rewards for my sacrifice. It comes in the form of happiness. I was blind to my own despai, now I recognize my previous life for what it was, and am eternally grateful that it happened to me. It cost me a promising job, nearly all of my friends, and every dime in savings I had to find my answer. The value of this experience to me far exceeds the cost.

This is all I have for now, please come again…

“Rise up this morning, smiled with the rising sun. Three little birds, pitch by my doorstep. Singing sweet songs, of melodies pure and true, saying, this is my message to you.” Bob Marley: Three Little Birds

 

 

 

*THIS IS ONLY A TEST*

Consider it a re-birth. This being my second official attempt at starting a personal blog, and I can’t wait to see what this one grows up to be. I certainly won’t be making the same mistakes I made with my first born, a child I abandoned somewhere in the gutter of the internet several months ago. I am a different person today.

In such a stage of infancy, I should not be so foolish as to think I know what this page is going to be about. If I had to pick a common theme that I hope is felt across all future scribes, it would have to be “One’s desire to write.” A wise man once told me that it is cheaper than therapy.

As days pass, I may find an urge to rant to myself about anything from sports or politics, and deeper into the most intricate meanings of this crazy existence we have. If this turns out to be nothing more than a personal diary, forgive me, it’s obviously what I needed. Just call it the human experience.

In the future I hope to have at least one fan. I don’t want to set my goals too lofty, but if  time finds that I have gone on to write thousands of blurbs, and my beloved reader finds that they have now scrolled all the way back in time to my very first, thanks for being the one.  You the real MVP.

I’m a big fan of rituals, and I just decided I would end every piece with a song lyric that mirrors my mood for the day. See below for more details.

“I’m starting to fashion an idea in my head, where I would impress you. Where every single word I said, would come insightful or brave, or smooth, or charming. “  -Dashboard Confessional: For You to Notice